Hormone-o-rama

I have been feeling good this pregnancy but the one thing I have noticed that's different for me these days is that I can't help myself from crying at the littlest (and not so littlest) things.  And I don't just cry a little in the way I might have in the past at a sad movie or a close friend's wedding, I am actually finding myself bawling, tears, runny nose and all and I can't seem to stop it until I let it all out.  I think I am freaking Jonathan out just a little bit.

I noticed that it started when my friend Amy (who is also pregnant so she did warn me ) sent me a link to a blog post from a mom about her birth.  She was sending it to me because the post talked about how this woman had a party during her delivery, complete with friends, champagne and party favors which we both thought was kind of amazing.  But, the post also included the story of how the mom's second child brought a surprise she wasn't expecting.  (I don't want to give too many details in case you decide to read the post yourself.  It's quite beautiful, so you should, but remember to have some tissues handy, especially if you are pregnant!).  The unexpected outcome of the birth was emotional but I caught myself really sobbing at all of the references to the first child and how when the mom went into labor she knew it was the last time she would be the mom to an only child, how her daughter's life would be forever changed by having to share her mom with someone else, etc.  It pulled on some strong emotional chords I didn't even know were there.

Two days later, I had a horrible stomachache (which turned out to be food poisoning!!) so I retreated to my bed and decided to watch something on my iPad.  I can't explain why I didn't pick something light but I ended up watching "The Business of Being Born."  (Side note, this was a real technological reality check for me - 4.5 years ago I had to go to an actual movie theater to watch this movie when it was in wide release.  Now I can dial it up whenever I want through Netflix and watch it in my pajamas curled up in my bed with my iPad.  That's pretty amazing).

My movie-watching experience was much more emotional this time around than it was when I saw it while pregnant the first time.  It reminded me of Juju's birth, it reminded me of what's coming up for me in a few months, and it was pretty powerful to hear so many women and couples talk about their varied birth experiences.  I had tears in my eyes for a few of the stories but then when Jonathan and Juju walked into the bedroom towards the end of the film, I lost it!  I was sobbing and clutching Juju and telling her how much I love her and how the day she was born was the best day of my life and how everything changed, yadda, yadda, yadda.  She was totally confused and couldn't understand why I was crying yet telling her I was happy.  Jonathan ushered her out of the room so I could get a hold of myself.  I am actually laughing as I type this, it was pretty funny but in the moment I had absolutely no control of my emotions.  When I returned to greet them in the kitchen with a smile (and no tears) a few minutes later, Juju informed me that "you're not allowed to cry when you are happy."  I'll try to work on that. . .

I finally meet my OB tomorrow.  It's funny that I've been pregnant for almost 16 weeks and haven't even seen the person who is going to delivery my baby yet.  I have high hopes for her, while she is an MD, she also trained as a doula and with a midwife before going to medical school so I think she is a great blend of what I'm looking for.  Fingers crossed.